What is behind your curtain?
Let me tell you about mine.
Behind my curtain, I am a ball of anxiety. A bundle of nerves. A million electrical currents trying to find their way; searching for a way to become grounded.
Insecurities abound. They are limitless.
Questions are insurmountable.
Questions pertaining to my sanity, my sense of self, my worldview.
What is to become of me?
The once strong, confident woman, who possesses a touch of arrogance and an uncanny, sarcastic sense of humour has changed.
I am not what I once was. There is a new strain to my identity, one that is characterized by nervousness, anxiety and insecurity. One that I am not familiar with and do not want to get to know. I suppose however, that in order to defeat your enemy, you must get to know them. Walk in their shoes and discover their plans in an effort to foil them. Thus, I am forced to get to know this most suffocating strain of my identity; this nervousness, this anxiety, this insecurity.
Behind my curtain, I am struggling to maintain my power over anxiety.
I must make every effort to get up, go out; resist the urge to stay in bed, rolled up in that ball of nerves.
Behind my curtain is a woman who once soared.
Behind my curtain is a leader who has lost her footing but will not falter.
Behind my curtain is a woman who is scared but will always show you a smile of sincerity and give you a hand to hold.
Although my curtain is drawn, I am reminded of the person I was just a few short months ago. My power and my tenacity are still within me, they have just been hushed by the overbearing sound of anxiety.
I must get louder.
Free my old self, rescue her from the depths of the darkness.
Cue the orchestra.
The curtain is about to open.
© The Flip of the Switch, February 2016.