Look at me.
Really look at me.
What do you see?
You likely see a woman who is put together quite well. Beautifully styled hair. Flattering make up. Conservative clothing; perhaps leggings, a designer sweater, high boots and a favourite handbag.
You are probably thinking that I have it all. The house, the car, the wardrobe, the successful husband.
Well, I don’t.
I do not have it all.
It’s all a facade.
Created to trick you into thinking that I have it all.
It masks my internal despair.
For on the inside, I am in a state of emergency. Always on red alert. Wildly searching for my sanity. Terrified that I am going to die or go insane. Scared to be alone. Trapped in my mind.
Yes, when you see me, I look well put together. I am a pillar of strength. A woman who can take on anything, be anything. A woman thought highly of in the community. A woman that people can lean on, depend on, confide in. A woman of unparalleled character.
And yet, I have lost myself.
On the outside, it is all a facade.
© The Flip of the Switch, January 2016.