The Wall of Jealousy & Deceit

 

mysterious brick wall

It is so easy for you to sit there in your house, near or far, and judge me and my circumstances.

You don’t call.

You don’t text.

You don’t write.

You know nothing about me, my family or what is happening in our lives. Yet, you think you can judge me and you think you know what’s best for me.

Why is that?

How can you possibly know what is best for me when you don’t speak with me? You barely make an effort to communicate, to ask me how I am doing, yet you think you know what I need.

On top of this, you advise others they are enabling me.

That makes no sense.

Furthermore, you have given others ultimatums. Advising them they cannot have a relationship with you AND me.

You can’t be serious. There must be some mistake because asking my family and friends to choose between you and me is asinine. On top of this, upon confrontation, you denied your actions.

Your pathetic attempt at deceit is embarrassing.

Telling people they are sitting on the fence and must choose a side.

You are building walls.  Barriers.  You are doing yourself and your family a disservice.

But, you are blind to it.

Sitting upon your high horse thinking you know of what you speak.

You couldn’t be further from the truth.

You are failing beyond measure.

You must be so jealous.

So insecure.

Forcing individuals to choose.

A weak hand instigates such nonsense.

The green eyed monster has a grip on you and your behaviour is embarrassing. I am embarrassed for you. I am ashamed of your behaviour. Such an epic failure. Very disappointing.

It has to be jealousy and insecurity.

There are people here who have relationships with my children. Who are close to me. Who I confide in. We support one another. It is not one sided. There is no enabling going on. It is called a reciprocal friendship. We are there for each other. They have active roles in my life that you don’t.

Oh…and you there, yes you. You are probably thinking this doesn’t apply to you. That it only applies to one person. That is not accurate. This may indeed apply to you. I have heard all of your judgement too. The comments whispered behind closed doors. Careful to ensure I don’t find out.

There are no secrets in this family.

The walls have ears.

I don’t take kindly to ultimatums. Hearing you are forcing others to turn their back on me. How childish. Such nonsense is usually restricted to the playground. You are an epic disappointment. I thought so highly of you. I thought we were friends. I thought I could trust you.

I was wrong.

Upon your return to reality, there will be no fanfare.  No door for you to walk in.  You have built this wall. You can figure out how to tear it down and rebuild the relationships you have squandered out of your jealousy, fear and insecurity.

 

 

© The Flip of the Switch, March 2016.

 

 

On Entitlement

School sign on blur traffic road background.

Ah, the kiss & ride.

Could there be a more stressful way to start your day than to participate in your local school’s kiss & ride?  I don’t think so.

It is hell.

All encompassing, rip your hair out, hell on wheels.

And sadly, it is reflective of our society as a whole.

Here’s why.

We are in the age of entitlement.  Unfortunately, it’s not just today’s children that feel they are entitled.  Their parents are proudly paving the path to entitlement.

Somewhere over the last decade, our society has changed.  There has been a dynamic shift in what is acceptable from a behavioural perspective.

Somewhere along the lines, common courtesy and good character have been thrown to the wayside and replaced with rage, annoyance, disrespect and entitlement.

Per the Merriam-Webster dictionary, entitlement is defined as,

the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something;

the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something (such as special privileges)

Which brings us back to the kiss & ride;  the proof in our day to day lives that our society has lost its bearings.

There are civil rules, hell, there are laws, in the kiss & ride.  For example,

Do not park in the fire route. Do not leave your car.

Do not leave your car running. Yield to pedestrians.

Use common sense (especially challenging for many people).

This does not happen.  Ever.  Instead, there are cars abandoned everywhere, blocking fire routes and blocking other cars.  Blocking the driveway.  Children don’t know where it is safe to cross so they can be seen dangerously running about traffic searching for their parents.  Crossing guards, bless their souls, are frantically trying to maintain order amidst chaos while being sworn at or ignored altogether.

The message being sent is loud and clear.

I am here for my child.  I do not care why you are here.  The only thing that matters is that I get my child.  I do not care if I have to run yours over to get to mine.  If I have to speed down the street to ensure I am there on time.  If I have to give you the finger, yell at you in the driveway or break the law.  I am entitled to get what I want, when I want it and I want to get my child right now. 

If everyone took a step back, demonstrated patience, showed respect for others, we would all be able to pick our children up from school in a safe and orderly fashion.

When did your sense of entitlement become more important than the safety of all other children?

Why does your rush to get somewhere threaten our entire neighbourhood’s safety?

There is a disturbing parallel.  This age of entitlement coincides with an increase in bullying and behavioural issues in schools.

According to the Canadian Institutes of Health Research,

1 in 3 adolescents reported being bullied recently.

47% of Canadian parents reported their child has been a victim of bullying.

40% of working Canadians reported being bullied on a weekly basis.

How can we put an end to bullying when adults continue to exhibit such bold disobedience of societal norms and expectations?

We, the adults, are responsible for guiding our children and teaching them that societal norms matter and that disobedience of societal norms and values will not be tolerated.  But this disobedience continues to be tolerated!

Why?

It circles back to this sense of entitlement.

Some 21st century parents have lost their good character, their respect for others, their rational thought.  There is an urgency driven by check lists and extra curriculars; by responsibilities and stress;  by family dynamics that appear to no longer foster respect, patience and tolerance.

These parents will do anything they can to check something off their list, to move onto the next task.  At any cost.  Even at the cost of your child’s safety. There just isn’t time, in their minds, to be cautious or slow;  there is too much to do.

Is that it?  Is it that this world we are living in is so demanding and moving at such a fast pace that there just isn’t time to think of others; to slow down, to show respect for humanity as a whole?  It is the me generation.  Me, me, me.

As a result, our children are growing up in an environment where they are taught to put their needs first and to do so at any cost.  We are creating a generation that will grow up to be dependent, selfish individuals.  No collective reasoning.  No actions to support the greater good (look at vaccinations, don’t get me started).  A worldview that no longer considers the world.  A very narrow view of self and their immediate surroundings.

We have to get off this road to entitlement.

It is critical that our children are taught the societal norms and values that ensure the day to day functioning of our world.

Who is going to do this?

It starts with you.

It starts at home.

It starts in the kiss & ride.

 

© The Flip of the Switch, January 2016.

The Disillusion of Compassion

shutterstock_143680249

How is it that we think we know someone, really know someone, but they turn out to be nothing you thought they were.

It is interesting that when one is going through a rough patch; a rocky road; a tumultuous time, that the people we think will support us, be there for us and comfort us are in fact, some of the biggest contributors to our stress.  They further perpetuate the feeling of instability and vulnerability.

I have someone in my life that fits this bill.

It makes me sad.  I am overwhelmed with grief.  It makes me feel physically ill.  I am disappointed.

This person increases my stress level, increases my anxiety, increases my panic and they make me angry.

Angry they just couldn’t be the person I thought they would be.  Disappointed they do not possess the character I thought they did.  Irate that they continue to put their head in the sand and pretend like nothing is wrong;  they are oblivious to my reality;  to their reality.

I am angry at myself for thinking they held such regal character;  for thinking they were compassionate, loving, caring, considerate and supportive.  How did I miss this?  Was it an illusion?  Did this person ever truly possess the character traits that I hold dearest to me?  That we value as a society?

I am truly fortunate to have a vast network of support.  My family and friends are everything to me.  They are always there; willing to help any way they can.  I am blessed.

But you.  You.  I am disappointed in you.  I expected you to be my pillar of strength.  My knight in shining armour.  My safety net.  My best friend.  You have let me down.  You are either a supporter or a stressor;  you cannot be both. And you.  You.  You are a stressor.  You have made your choice.

No matter what you do, whatever choices you make, I cannot control you.

Indeed, you are not the person I thought you were.  Thought you could be. Thought you would be. But there is nothing I can do about that.  I cannot change you.  I cannot mould you into something you are not.  You won’t change.  Even when I beg and cry for support.  Call out to you in an effort to lean on you; you are not there.

You are everywhere, yet nowhere.

The disillusion of compassion.

Compassion for oneself, compassion for others.

You do not possess compassion and I don’t know who I feel more sorry for;  me or you.

You.  I feel sorry for you.  For I am strong and I will fight my way through this.  I am important and I have goals to reach and dreams to catch.  But you.  What do you have?

Your relationships are in shambles.  Almost all of them.  You have family ties that are complicated, poisonous, bitter and full of heartache.  You care for no one, yet argue that you care for everyone.  You have tried to convince yourself for so long that you possess this illustrious character.  That you are a role model for others to emulate.

You are wrong.

Disillusion of self.

Disillusion of reality.

Yes, it is you I feel sorry for.

In the end, I will get through this.  I will prevail.

I live life with compassion, love, kindness and consideration.  I help others, try to ease any burden they are shouldering.  I care deeply about people’s happiness and well being, including my own.

I don’t need you.

I just need me.

 

© The Flip of the Switch, January 2016.