The Wall of Jealousy & Deceit

 

mysterious brick wall

It is so easy for you to sit there in your house, near or far, and judge me and my circumstances.

You don’t call.

You don’t text.

You don’t write.

You know nothing about me, my family or what is happening in our lives. Yet, you think you can judge me and you think you know what’s best for me.

Why is that?

How can you possibly know what is best for me when you don’t speak with me? You barely make an effort to communicate, to ask me how I am doing, yet you think you know what I need.

On top of this, you advise others they are enabling me.

That makes no sense.

Furthermore, you have given others ultimatums. Advising them they cannot have a relationship with you AND me.

You can’t be serious. There must be some mistake because asking my family and friends to choose between you and me is asinine. On top of this, upon confrontation, you denied your actions.

Your pathetic attempt at deceit is embarrassing.

Telling people they are sitting on the fence and must choose a side.

You are building walls.  Barriers.  You are doing yourself and your family a disservice.

But, you are blind to it.

Sitting upon your high horse thinking you know of what you speak.

You couldn’t be further from the truth.

You are failing beyond measure.

You must be so jealous.

So insecure.

Forcing individuals to choose.

A weak hand instigates such nonsense.

The green eyed monster has a grip on you and your behaviour is embarrassing. I am embarrassed for you. I am ashamed of your behaviour. Such an epic failure. Very disappointing.

It has to be jealousy and insecurity.

There are people here who have relationships with my children. Who are close to me. Who I confide in. We support one another. It is not one sided. There is no enabling going on. It is called a reciprocal friendship. We are there for each other. They have active roles in my life that you don’t.

Oh…and you there, yes you. You are probably thinking this doesn’t apply to you. That it only applies to one person. That is not accurate. This may indeed apply to you. I have heard all of your judgement too. The comments whispered behind closed doors. Careful to ensure I don’t find out.

There are no secrets in this family.

The walls have ears.

I don’t take kindly to ultimatums. Hearing you are forcing others to turn their back on me. How childish. Such nonsense is usually restricted to the playground. You are an epic disappointment. I thought so highly of you. I thought we were friends. I thought I could trust you.

I was wrong.

Upon your return to reality, there will be no fanfare.  No door for you to walk in.  You have built this wall. You can figure out how to tear it down and rebuild the relationships you have squandered out of your jealousy, fear and insecurity.

 

 

© The Flip of the Switch, March 2016.

 

 

Gimme Some Love

IMG_6142

Love is in the air…and on the door!

It’s the season of love so we are gearing up for Valentine’s Day!

This idea has been floating around social media for a few weeks.  I’m not sure of the original source as so many people have shared it and reposted it.  My sincere thanks to whomever the brilliant, innovative person is who thought this up.

Here’s how it works. Starting February 1st, every night while they are sleeping, you tack a heart to your child’s bedroom door professing what you love about them.  Super simple to do and the impact is huge!  Here are some example of what I have written:

You are a really good friend.

You always look after everyone and make sure they’re okay.

We are so proud of you.  Proud of who you are.  Proud of what you do.

You are so artistic!  Your art is amazing!

You are beautiful, inside and out!

My children wake up so excited to see what has been added to their doors.  A little tidbit of love to start their day off on the right foot and fill them with all of my love.  The bonus is that it delays the sibling fighting for all of five minutes! Hahaha!  But seriously, it is a little thing that warms them and reminds them how much we love them.

You could do this for your significant other too!  You could tape hearts full of love on the bathroom mirror for them to read while getting ready in the morning or maybe sneak them into their bag/purse or tape them to the dashboard of their car. That would be such a nice surprise!

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?  How do you show your love?

© The Flip of the Switch, February 2016.

It is all a Facade

 

Portrait of a beautiful woman

Look at me.

Really look at me.

What do you see?

You likely see a woman who is put together quite well.  Beautifully styled hair. Flattering make up. Conservative clothing;  perhaps leggings, a designer sweater, high boots and a favourite handbag.

You are probably thinking that I have it all. The house, the car, the wardrobe, the successful husband.

Well, I don’t.

I do not have it all.

It’s all a facade.

Created to trick you into thinking that I have it all.

It masks my internal despair.

For on the inside, I am in a state of emergency.  Always on red alert.  Wildly searching for my sanity.  Terrified that I am going to die or go insane.  Scared to be alone. Trapped in my mind.

Yes, when you see me, I look well put together.  I am a pillar of strength.  A woman who can take on anything, be anything.  A woman thought highly of in the community.  A woman that people can lean on, depend on, confide in.  A woman of unparalleled character.

And yet, I have lost myself.

On the outside, it is all a facade.

 

© The Flip of the Switch, January 2016.

 

 

Someone Was Here

Inukshuk on the coast in Eastern Passage, Canada

Where were you?

Ah yes, selfishly tucked away somewhere trying to bury the guilt wrestling your soul. Too dependent to leave, not strong enough to stay.

The ultimate battle.

It wasn’t that I asked for help, it wasn’t that I told you I needed you.  That would have been a different story.  In fact, it was you that announced you were coming to help me, wanted to be here for me, support me, love me.  It was you who made phone calls to ensure people knew you were compassionate, caring and ready to take action.

All to save your own face.

The guilt wasn’t that you weren’t here to help me. The guilt was that you were worried people were judging you, questioning your decisions, your loyalty.

The reality, of course, is that you should have been here.

You should have been the one to lead me through the darkness, help me redefine myself and help me to function within the confines of anxiety and panic.

Yes, it should have been you.

But it wasn’t.

It was a select few of my dearest friends and family who guided me through this storm, wiped my tears and gave me the strength to persevere.  It was this small group of warriors who came together to check on me every day, offer their time and calm me in a panic.

Someone was here, but it wasn’t you.

Each day that passes, my mindset improves, my confidence grows.

I should have known you wouldn’t be here. I suppose that’s why I didn’t ask.

Your actions were driven by your need to look good to others; so terribly selfish and yet, not surprising.

Your insecurity is difficult to hide, dependency unparalleled.

As I write this, I can’t help but think what will happen if you read it.

It suddenly occurs to me that I don’t care.

I can sleep at night with the choices I have made.

Can you?

© The Flip of the Switch, February 2016.

An Afterthought

Wedding Rings

His perception of my needs is grossly erroneous.  Representative of his continued refusal to listen and absorb my words; accept my longing for connection, for emotional depth. We have talked this to the brinks of insanity. I need you.  Your love, your arms wrapped around me, your refuge.  Your confidence, your strength. I need you to look into my eyes and see the depths of my soul.  Provide compassion, without judgement. Love, without obligation. Friendship, without insult. But sadly, I digress.  For this is not our reality.  Our relationship has been reduced to emotional instability, heart wrenching exchanges and magnificent disappointments.  I am ashamed of what our marriage, our friendship, has become.  You and I, we speak different languages.  I am telling you what I need, what I want, but you are not listening. You are absorbed, so deeply, in your own desires that you cannot accurately perceive mine.  Driven by power, money and success, it is illogical to you that I want loving kindness.  Your life dictated by time, clients and checklists, it is irrational to you that I want passion. One must share your worldview to carry legitimacy.  Thus, I am not a priority and our marriage is but an afterthought.

© The Flip of the Switch, February 2016.

On Entitlement

School sign on blur traffic road background.

Ah, the kiss & ride.

Could there be a more stressful way to start your day than to participate in your local school’s kiss & ride?  I don’t think so.

It is hell.

All encompassing, rip your hair out, hell on wheels.

And sadly, it is reflective of our society as a whole.

Here’s why.

We are in the age of entitlement.  Unfortunately, it’s not just today’s children that feel they are entitled.  Their parents are proudly paving the path to entitlement.

Somewhere over the last decade, our society has changed.  There has been a dynamic shift in what is acceptable from a behavioural perspective.

Somewhere along the lines, common courtesy and good character have been thrown to the wayside and replaced with rage, annoyance, disrespect and entitlement.

Per the Merriam-Webster dictionary, entitlement is defined as,

the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something;

the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something (such as special privileges)

Which brings us back to the kiss & ride;  the proof in our day to day lives that our society has lost its bearings.

There are civil rules, hell, there are laws, in the kiss & ride.  For example,

Do not park in the fire route. Do not leave your car.

Do not leave your car running. Yield to pedestrians.

Use common sense (especially challenging for many people).

This does not happen.  Ever.  Instead, there are cars abandoned everywhere, blocking fire routes and blocking other cars.  Blocking the driveway.  Children don’t know where it is safe to cross so they can be seen dangerously running about traffic searching for their parents.  Crossing guards, bless their souls, are frantically trying to maintain order amidst chaos while being sworn at or ignored altogether.

The message being sent is loud and clear.

I am here for my child.  I do not care why you are here.  The only thing that matters is that I get my child.  I do not care if I have to run yours over to get to mine.  If I have to speed down the street to ensure I am there on time.  If I have to give you the finger, yell at you in the driveway or break the law.  I am entitled to get what I want, when I want it and I want to get my child right now. 

If everyone took a step back, demonstrated patience, showed respect for others, we would all be able to pick our children up from school in a safe and orderly fashion.

When did your sense of entitlement become more important than the safety of all other children?

Why does your rush to get somewhere threaten our entire neighbourhood’s safety?

There is a disturbing parallel.  This age of entitlement coincides with an increase in bullying and behavioural issues in schools.

According to the Canadian Institutes of Health Research,

1 in 3 adolescents reported being bullied recently.

47% of Canadian parents reported their child has been a victim of bullying.

40% of working Canadians reported being bullied on a weekly basis.

How can we put an end to bullying when adults continue to exhibit such bold disobedience of societal norms and expectations?

We, the adults, are responsible for guiding our children and teaching them that societal norms matter and that disobedience of societal norms and values will not be tolerated.  But this disobedience continues to be tolerated!

Why?

It circles back to this sense of entitlement.

Some 21st century parents have lost their good character, their respect for others, their rational thought.  There is an urgency driven by check lists and extra curriculars; by responsibilities and stress;  by family dynamics that appear to no longer foster respect, patience and tolerance.

These parents will do anything they can to check something off their list, to move onto the next task.  At any cost.  Even at the cost of your child’s safety. There just isn’t time, in their minds, to be cautious or slow;  there is too much to do.

Is that it?  Is it that this world we are living in is so demanding and moving at such a fast pace that there just isn’t time to think of others; to slow down, to show respect for humanity as a whole?  It is the me generation.  Me, me, me.

As a result, our children are growing up in an environment where they are taught to put their needs first and to do so at any cost.  We are creating a generation that will grow up to be dependent, selfish individuals.  No collective reasoning.  No actions to support the greater good (look at vaccinations, don’t get me started).  A worldview that no longer considers the world.  A very narrow view of self and their immediate surroundings.

We have to get off this road to entitlement.

It is critical that our children are taught the societal norms and values that ensure the day to day functioning of our world.

Who is going to do this?

It starts with you.

It starts at home.

It starts in the kiss & ride.

 

© The Flip of the Switch, January 2016.

Wishes & Dreams

field of dandelion in sunset - bokeh and allergy

 

Daily gratitude can alter your thought patterns and your outlook on life. With that in mind, I have been trying to acknowledge all of the blessings in my life on a daily basis.  Two of my greatest blessings are my children. Thinking of my children, the lives they will lead, the adventures they will experience and all they will become, makes me smile.  I am truly blessed.

For my children.

I wish you a long life full of love, happiness and crimson sunsets.

I wish you a life of compassion;  showing deep love and grace to others, just as I hope you are treated with compassion and kindness.

I wish you peace, serenity and a calm mind;  a mind that is still and does not rush to panic. Tranquility is necessary for your spirit to soar.

I wish you good health;  take care of your mind, body and your spirit.  Listen to the messages your body sends you.

I wish you true friendship. Real, loving, fulfilling friendship.  It doesn’t come along very often so when it does, hang on to it and cherish it.  Those friends, your dearest friends, will be by your side through all the curves in the road;  the good;  the not so good. Celebrate with them;  cry with them. Make sure they know you love them and appreciate them.

I wish you adventure.  Go backpacking.  Ride roller coasters. Climb a mountain. Our beautiful world is waiting for you to explore it.

I wish you time. Time with your family; time with your own children;  time to stop and smell the roses;  time to read a good book;  time to reflect on and appreciate the blessings in your life.

I wish you hope.  I wish you hope in your yourself;  hope in others; hope in our world. Never surrender your hope.  It is something we all need to survive and thrive.  It is something that can never be taken from you.

I wish you character.  Be strong;  be noble;  be a role model.  Be respectful, be kind, be loving.  Be who you are meant to be.

I wish you strength, determination, perseverance and patience; especially with yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I wish you love.  Deep, fulfilling love.  The kind of love that takes your breath away; makes your heart skip a beat;  sweeps you off your feet; makes your soul sing.  Hang onto it. Cherish it.  If you lose it, it wasn’t meant to be.  Remember it for how it made you feel but do not grieve for its loss. You will love again and be loved by many, for you are spectacular.

I wish you quiet moments to watch the trees blow in the wind, to watch the clouds sail by, to watch the flowers bloom.  It is these quiet moments that you will hear yourself; when life will make sense;  where stillness will lead to answers.

Trust yourself.

Believe in yourself, just as I believe in you.

I believe you can do anything;  be anything.

Reach for the stars, follow your dreams and be proud of who you are and what you become.  I am already so proud of you.  I am proud to be your mom.

I love you with all of my heart and soul.  You are the reason I was born.  You are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep.

You.

My children.

My wishes and dreams.

 

© The Flip of the Switch, January 2016.